My Children Broke My Bank
You retire, and life is good. Maybe you are traveling, enjoying your mornings without an alarm clock, or simply savoring the reward of decades of hard work. Then life throws a curveball. A son or daughter loses a job, goes through a divorce, struggles with alcohol, or faces something more devastating like a disability. Suddenly, they are back at your doorstep, moving in. Your retirement lifestyle, the independence you earned, feels like it is slipping away. You love your family, but their crisis becomes your crisis.
Now let’s be real. This kind of situation is not unusual. Families step up for each other. But when adult children or grandchildren have no financial backstop, the burden falls on you. And one of the most common, least-planned-for backstops is disability insurance. It is not glamorous, it is not talked about at cocktail parties, but it can make or break whether you spend retirement golfing or worrying about how to keep the lights on for two households.
Here is a fact that surprises most people: according to the Social Security Administration, roughly one in four 20-year-olds will become disabled before they reach retirement age. Not die—become disabled. That means losing the ability to work and earn a paycheck, sometimes permanently. And that disability can come from anything—cancer, heart disease, musculoskeletal disorders, or stroke. It can strike at any time.
Think about that for a moment. We buy life insurance because we know death is guaranteed. But we often ignore disability insurance, even though becoming disabled is far more likely during working years. And when disability hits, the financial impact is immediate and devastating. Your income stops, but your bills keep rolling in. Your rent, mortgage, car payments, utilities, and grocery bills do not take a holiday. Neither does student loan debt. In fact, the Education Data Initiative shows the average federal student loan balance is $38,375, and for graduate or professional degrees, it is much higher. Those loans do not disappear just because you cannot work.
The PDF I reviewed walks through a sobering example. A professional making $65,000 a year at age 25, with steady 5% raises, could expect to generate more than $8.3 million over a career to age 65. That is lifetime earning power. But if that person has a stroke at 45 and can no longer work? Their earnings collapse to $2.3 million. In other words, more than $6 million vanishes. How do you replace that? You cannot. Without protection, the domino effect begins: you lose income, you drain savings, retirement gets postponed, and your family’s financial structure crumbles.
Now bring this back to the retiree’s perspective. If your adult child is in that scenario—disabled, no income, maybe divorced, maybe with kids—who do you think becomes the safety net? You. You worked, you saved, you planned for your independence, but suddenly you are subsidizing two generations. That is not just money leaving your accounts, it is also time, effort, aggravation, and money—the TEAM equation I always talk about. You want to minimize time, effort, and aggravation while maximizing money. Supporting a disabled adult child flips that on its head. Suddenly, your TEAM is drained.
Here is why disability insurance matters not just for them, but for you. It is relatively inexpensive when purchased young. It protects not only their lifestyle but your retirement. Think of it as asset protection, not in the traditional sense of insuring your house or car, but in shielding your future independence. Every dollar they receive from disability insurance is a dollar you do not have to give up. Every bill their policy covers is one less bill on your plate.
Too many people rely on group disability coverage through work. That is dangerous. If they lose their job, they lose that coverage. Group plans often cover only a fraction of income and may not protect against long-term or specialized scenarios. And then there is Social Security Disability. That system is already overburdened and facing insolvency. Even if someone qualifies, payments are modest and the approval process is a nightmare. More and more, people are being denied or delayed. Counting on Social Security to fill the gap is like building a house on quicksand.
Let me add another layer. According to Bankrate, 57% of Americans say they are behind on retirement savings. They are counting on their ability to keep working, keep saving, and catch up later. But what happens if disability strikes before they catch up? Suddenly, retirement is not delayed by a few years—it may be gone altogether. For many, that shortfall pushes them into the arms of their parents. Again, that is you.
And here is a sobering statistic: nearly half of cancer patients and survivors report medical debt, even with insurance. Between out-of-pocket bills and lost wages, savings can evaporate quickly. Most households, even those earning more than $150,000, are living paycheck to paycheck. Without disability coverage, the fall from stability to bankruptcy can happen in months.
So what is the takeaway? Prevention. An ounce of prevention really is worth a pound of cure. Disability insurance is not a luxury. It is a necessity—both for your children and for you as a retiree who wants to keep enjoying life without financial surprises. If you are financially comfortable, consider paying for policies for your kids or grandkids. It is an inexpensive way to create a firewall between their misfortune and your lifestyle.
Let me frame it this way. Retirement is supposed to be the chapter of life where you finally breathe easy. You should be free to travel, garden, volunteer, or simply sit on the porch without worrying about paying someone else’s rent. But protecting that lifestyle requires looking beyond your own needs. It requires recognizing that your children’s or grandchildren’s financial collapse could quickly become your own. Disability insurance is one of the cleanest, simplest tools to prevent that.
And yes, it is positive. Because you are not just protecting them—you are empowering them. You are sending a message: “I believe in your future. I want you to be independent, and I want to keep my independence too.” That is the beauty of smart planning. It keeps everyone standing tall, even when life tries to knock them down.
Now let’s be real. This kind of situation is not unusual. Families step up for each other. But when adult children or grandchildren have no financial backstop, the burden falls on you. And one of the most common, least-planned-for backstops is disability insurance. It is not glamorous, it is not talked about at cocktail parties, but it can make or break whether you spend retirement golfing or worrying about how to keep the lights on for two households.
Here is a fact that surprises most people: according to the Social Security Administration, roughly one in four 20-year-olds will become disabled before they reach retirement age. Not die—become disabled. That means losing the ability to work and earn a paycheck, sometimes permanently. And that disability can come from anything—cancer, heart disease, musculoskeletal disorders, or stroke. It can strike at any time.
Think about that for a moment. We buy life insurance because we know death is guaranteed. But we often ignore disability insurance, even though becoming disabled is far more likely during working years. And when disability hits, the financial impact is immediate and devastating. Your income stops, but your bills keep rolling in. Your rent, mortgage, car payments, utilities, and grocery bills do not take a holiday. Neither does student loan debt. In fact, the Education Data Initiative shows the average federal student loan balance is $38,375, and for graduate or professional degrees, it is much higher. Those loans do not disappear just because you cannot work.
The PDF I reviewed walks through a sobering example. A professional making $65,000 a year at age 25, with steady 5% raises, could expect to generate more than $8.3 million over a career to age 65. That is lifetime earning power. But if that person has a stroke at 45 and can no longer work? Their earnings collapse to $2.3 million. In other words, more than $6 million vanishes. How do you replace that? You cannot. Without protection, the domino effect begins: you lose income, you drain savings, retirement gets postponed, and your family’s financial structure crumbles.
Now bring this back to the retiree’s perspective. If your adult child is in that scenario—disabled, no income, maybe divorced, maybe with kids—who do you think becomes the safety net? You. You worked, you saved, you planned for your independence, but suddenly you are subsidizing two generations. That is not just money leaving your accounts, it is also time, effort, aggravation, and money—the TEAM equation I always talk about. You want to minimize time, effort, and aggravation while maximizing money. Supporting a disabled adult child flips that on its head. Suddenly, your TEAM is drained.
Here is why disability insurance matters not just for them, but for you. It is relatively inexpensive when purchased young. It protects not only their lifestyle but your retirement. Think of it as asset protection, not in the traditional sense of insuring your house or car, but in shielding your future independence. Every dollar they receive from disability insurance is a dollar you do not have to give up. Every bill their policy covers is one less bill on your plate.
Too many people rely on group disability coverage through work. That is dangerous. If they lose their job, they lose that coverage. Group plans often cover only a fraction of income and may not protect against long-term or specialized scenarios. And then there is Social Security Disability. That system is already overburdened and facing insolvency. Even if someone qualifies, payments are modest and the approval process is a nightmare. More and more, people are being denied or delayed. Counting on Social Security to fill the gap is like building a house on quicksand.
Let me add another layer. According to Bankrate, 57% of Americans say they are behind on retirement savings. They are counting on their ability to keep working, keep saving, and catch up later. But what happens if disability strikes before they catch up? Suddenly, retirement is not delayed by a few years—it may be gone altogether. For many, that shortfall pushes them into the arms of their parents. Again, that is you.
And here is a sobering statistic: nearly half of cancer patients and survivors report medical debt, even with insurance. Between out-of-pocket bills and lost wages, savings can evaporate quickly. Most households, even those earning more than $150,000, are living paycheck to paycheck. Without disability coverage, the fall from stability to bankruptcy can happen in months.
So what is the takeaway? Prevention. An ounce of prevention really is worth a pound of cure. Disability insurance is not a luxury. It is a necessity—both for your children and for you as a retiree who wants to keep enjoying life without financial surprises. If you are financially comfortable, consider paying for policies for your kids or grandkids. It is an inexpensive way to create a firewall between their misfortune and your lifestyle.
Let me frame it this way. Retirement is supposed to be the chapter of life where you finally breathe easy. You should be free to travel, garden, volunteer, or simply sit on the porch without worrying about paying someone else’s rent. But protecting that lifestyle requires looking beyond your own needs. It requires recognizing that your children’s or grandchildren’s financial collapse could quickly become your own. Disability insurance is one of the cleanest, simplest tools to prevent that.
And yes, it is positive. Because you are not just protecting them—you are empowering them. You are sending a message: “I believe in your future. I want you to be independent, and I want to keep my independence too.” That is the beauty of smart planning. It keeps everyone standing tall, even when life tries to knock them down.