Dale Carnegie for Retirees Moving
https://eirinnabu.com/event/5760795/695871447/eirinn-abu-and-tunnel-to-towers-foundation-concert
Founder & CEO of The Truesdell Companies
The Truesdell Professional Building
200 NW 52nd Avenue
Ocala, Florida 34482
352-612-1000 - Local
212-433-2525 - New York
Truesdell Wealth, Inc.
https://truesdellwealth.com
The Truesdell Companies
https://truesdell.net
Casual Breakfast Conversation at the Stone Creek Grille - January 8th @ 9:45 AM
Casual Conversation over Cocktails at the Stone Creek Grille - February 19th - 3:00 PM
Reservations Required - Call or Text: 352-612-1000
The Truesdell Companies is a proud sponsor of the Eirinn Abu benefit concert for Tunnel to Towers, on February 28th at the Circle Square arena in Ocala, Florida. For more information, visit: https://eirinnabu.com or https://eirinnabu.com/event/5760795/695871447/eirinn-abu-and-tunnel-to-towers-foundation-concert
Summary
Paul Truesdell discusses the importance of social skills and relationships for retirees moving to 55+ communities,
emphasizing Dale Carnegie's principles. He highlights the benefits of joining retiree groups, maintaining
meaningful connections, and being genuinely curious about others. Truesdell shares personal anecdotes,
including his father's work ethic and community contributions. He advises against forcing socialization, being
friendly, and avoiding complaints. He also stresses the importance of staying active, eating well, and maintaining
strong relationships for longevity. Truesdell concludes with a reminder to focus on the positives and maintain a
healthy mindset.
Action Items
• Be genuinely curious about your neighbors and their hobbies/experiences.
• Radiate warmth and optimism through a friendly greeting.
• Engage in meaningful listening and encourage others to share their thoughts and memories.
• Offer sincere praise and acknowledge the contributions of others, such as complimenting a well-maintained
lawn.
• Avoid complaining and criticizing, and focus on the positive aspects of retirement.
Outline
Moving to a 55+ Community and Social Dynamics
• Paul Grant Truesdell discusses the importance of Dale Carnegie's book "How to Win Friends and Influence People" for
retirees moving to 55+ communities.
• He mentions various organizations like the FBI and Tampa Police Department that have active retiree groups.
• Paul emphasizes the importance of socializing and making meaningful connections in retirement.
• He acknowledges that not everyone enjoys socializing and that it's important not to force it on others.
Personal Stories and Social Engagement
• Paul shares a story about his father, who worked until he was 90 and then became a taxi driver for the elderly.
• He highlights the importance of enjoying work and giving back to the community.
• Paul advises being genuinely curious about others and listening to their stories to create deeper connections.
• He stresses the importance of radiating warmth, optimism, and friendliness to open doors for friendships.
Dealing with Difficult Neighbors and Homeowner Rules
• Paul talks about encountering difficult neighbors who are sticklers for homeowner rules.
• He shares an example of a woman who fined neighbors for grass that was slightly too tall.
• Paul suggests that if a neighbor is causing significant problems, it might be worth considering moving to a different
community.
• He mentions the concept of build-to-rent (BTR) as an alternative for retirees who face difficult neighbors.
Engaged Listening and Shared Interests
• Paul emphasizes the importance of being an engaged listener and encouraging others to share their thoughts and
memories.
• He shares a personal story about a man who connected with his father through a phone call during a talk he gave. Ea
• Paul advises keeping conversations uplifting and avoiding constant complaining and criticizing.
• He suggests offering sincere praise and acknowledging others' contributions to build goodwill.
Maintaining Physical and Social Health in Retirement
• Paul discusses the importance of staying physically fit, eating healthy, and maintaining strong relationships for a long
and happy retirement.
• He advises retirees to look at the amenities and social activities available in a 55+ community before moving in.
• Paul mentions the concept of the "wanna go," "pre go," and "go go" years of retirement.
• He emphasizes the importance of being active and engaged in social activities to stay mentally and physically healthy.
The Importance of Mindset and Building Connections
• Paul introduces the seven components of wealth and status: mindset, physical, emotional, intellectual, relationship,
income, and risk.
• He stresses that mindset drives intellectual, physical, and emotional conditions.
• Paul advises engaging with others, being friendly, and showing genuine interest to build strong connections.
• He emphasizes the importance of being approachable, letting others talk, and offering appreciation for others'
contributions.
Living a Purposeful and Active Retirement
• Paul talks about the importance of living a purposeful and active life in retirement.
• He shares his own routine of walking 10 miles a day and lifting weights to stay fit.
• Paul advises against becoming sedentary and emphasizes the importance of staying engaged and active.
• He mentions the concept of the "slow-go" and "no go" years of retirement and the importance of maintaining a positive
mindset.
The Role of Social Connections in Well-being
• Paul discusses the impact of social connections on overall well-being and longevity.
• He advises retirees to look for communities with active social directors and clubs.
• Paul mentions the importance of being open to visiting clubs and getting to know the community before moving in.
• He emphasizes the importance of nurturing goodwill and maintaining strong relationships for a happy and fulfilling
retirement.
Dealing with Life Changes and Adapting to New Environments
• Paul talks about the natural changes that occur in retirement communities as older residents pass away.
• He mentions the concept of "waves" of deaths in retirement communities and how new residents may not be as active.
• Paul advises being aware of these changes and adapting to the new social dynamics in the community.
• He emphasizes the importance of being open to new experiences and making the most of the social opportunities
available.
Final Thoughts and Encouragement
• Paul wraps up the podcast by emphasizing the importance of living a purposeful and active life in retirement.
• He advises retirees to focus on the positive and avoid complaining and criticizing.
• Paul encourages retirees to stay engaged, build strong connections, and maintain a positive mindset.
• He concludes with a reminder to always remember the importance of social connections and staying active for a
fulfilling retirement.
Rough Transcript
0:00
You might remember that book by Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People. It's not necessarily a bad book to buy and read and review. You can get the Cliff Notes version if you want, if you're getting ready to retire, well, especially if you're going to move to a 55 plus community that would not necessarily be a bad book to take a look at, because you're going to be around a whole bunch of different types of people, and getting along is pretty doggone important.
0:36
You are listening to the Paul Truesdell podcast sponsored by Truesdell wealth and the other Truesdell companies note, due to our extensive holdings and our clients always assume that we have a position in all companies discussed and that a conflict of interest exists. The information presented is provided for entertainment and informational purposes only. Truesdell wealth is a registered investment advisor.
1:07
So let's say you're getting ready to retire and you're thinking about moving to a 55 plus community. Well, it's a chance to embrace a fresh new start in well, continue to have what I would say meaningful connections. You retire, you leave your place of employment. Well, the facts are, you're not going to see 99% of those people, more than likely, you do have some organizations that have retiree groups, clubs, organizations, for example, the Federal Bureau of Investigation. They have a very active retired and former agent group. They meet all over the green earth. I know that the city of Tampa Police Department, a lot of the guys and gals get together at the old fop lodge on North Florida Avenue. And then there are those that get together at various locations to socialize and chit chat, at least the ones that didn't run for the hills and get the heck out of dodge. But here's the key thing, Dale Carnegie, well, what he wrote about they're timeless. There's some timeless principles. Again, How to Win Friends, influence people are especially relevant to retirees who are seeking to cultivate a positive relationship with neighbors and to enjoy retirement to its fullest extent. But I can tell you absolutely unequivocally, beyond exclusion of every reasonable doubt, you can bet your sweet bippy there's going to be a PETA as a pain in the arse. See, I said arse. I didn't say what you thought I was going to say, there's going to be a few pitas in that neighborhood. Always has and always will be. Now, one of the problems you have to remember this is some people don't want to socialize. Oh, don't force yourself down them down their throat. Some people work, and I want to tell you this. I think this is important. There are a lot of us who work because we want to work, not because we have to work. We enjoy it. We do what we like. Are good, profitable, and can control now, my father passed away back in 2009 and you know, for 94 years, he lived a good life. The last year was a little rough, but that man was on his own living as an independent tax paying self sufficient American since he was 14 years of age. And you know what? He worked until he was 90, and then he said, you know, my hips are starting to really bother me. I'm getting a little too old for this. And he had some pretty doggone, impressive positions in life. But here's the key thing, he enjoyed it. He loved it. And then when he got done working, he became a taxi driver. That's right, a taxi driver, not an Uber. He became a taxi cab driver, at least that's what he called himself, because he was running every widow and widower who couldn't drive in his community to their doctor's appointments and taking them out to eat. I can't say that he got a lot of reciprocal benefit. Yes, people are selfish at a variety of different ages, but that man gave back and he enjoyed it, as he said, he would chuck and say, you know, sometimes they'll buy me a cup of coffee at a steak and shake and think that I ought to say, thank you for the cup of coffee after having driven around for four or five hours and a couple 100 miles. But you know what? I enjoy the company, so he practiced his entire life the concepts of how to win friends and influence people. I think it's kind of cool. Let's talk about a few things, a couple of items that might create some lasting bonds for. You might be, oh, getting ready to retire. You might be already retired. Oh, Hell's Bells. You might be elderly and barely able to get out of the house. But the reality in life is there's no reason why you can't continue to engage in people. So here's the thing, be genuinely curry curious. Be genuinely curious about other people. Yeah, I don't know, take some active interests. Listen to your neighbor's stories, what kind of hobbies and experiences they have. Stop always talking about yourself. Show some damn curiosity and well, it creates a bridge for deeper connections. That's one. Here's another one. I have a face as a kind of a rusting, oh, confrontational face. I've had people say, what are you mad at? I'm not mad at just my rusting. Oh, some people say you're rusting bitch face, but that's just, that's me, okay. But you want to try to radiate wealth and and warmth and optimism, and, in other words, you want to have a simple smile. I tend to smirk rather than give a big toothy smile, just the way I've always been. But be friendly. You know, friendly greeting goes a long way. It opens doors cards to starts friendships. And you know, you're going to get people who are just plain butt ugly. That's right, bud ugly. They're going through life, and always have gone through life. It's the miserable sack of dog do. Don't let them get to you. Just ignore them. I Not long ago, had a group in 2024 in Marion County, Florida. The whole group of them, bunch of dog do just a pain the rear end. Oh, there might have been a nice one or two there, but most people who are decent wound up leaving this organization. And I've done that a lot. You kind of like get to know what's going on in these there's a systemic problem there. Oh, we got little rules, got this, got that. You know, here's the thing you're going to find in some of these communities, somebody's going to be a stickler for homeowner rules, and they'll have a thing in the homeowners rules about grass. It has to be cut, right? You want to live in a nice neighborhood. I get that. I do, but you're going to have, at times, people who take it to an extreme. And I know of one case that we had to get involved with the law firm on where this woman was running around the neighbor's homes, and she was the enforcement person for issuing fines, and she would take a ruler and she would stick it in the ground and take a picture and say, Aha, your grass is five inches tall. It's only supposed to be 420, $5 fine. You can't fix them, people. And in my prior Podcast Episode 401, I talked about build to rent. You know, there's lot of retirees. They buy a home. Everything's good. They got what they want. It's a nice neighborhood. Everything is good, but you've got a neighbor from, you know, what? From Holy hell. Now, some people have the financial means to say, I'm just not taking that. I'm gonna move. So you lose 2030, 50,000 $100,000 you're gone. You're out of there. You buy something else. So again, go back and listen to episode 401, where I talk about build to rent BTR, and you'll say, maybe he's on to something there. Maybe sometimes it's convenient to be able to say, I'm out of here. Now the other thing you want to do is you want to be an engaged listener. That's right. Actually listen. Encourage others to share their thoughts and their memories. Have a meaningful listening engagement, because it'll reveal a lot of things that might be shared interests. I was giving a talk down in Ellington, Florida one day. No, that's not true. I was down in Naples. Guys in Naples, and a gentleman in the audience came up to me and said, Your last name is Truesdell. I said, Yes, it is he goes. Your middle name is Grant. I said, Yes, it is he goes. You wouldn't be by chance related to a fellow by a name of Henry grant. Would you he always went by the name grant. I said, Yeah, I would. And he goes, You know that rascal, he was in the Marine Corps. And he said, we got we were sailing one day. I said, Yeah, your name is, I'll just make it up. Your name is Tarzan. You and my dad were sailing out there off of San Diego, and the wind just about took you up against a destroyer. He says, How do you know that? I said, Well, I'm his son. I've heard that story a whole lot. He goes, What's what's going on with your dad? This is the days of a bag phone. Remember bag phones, little analog phones. When a phone call cost $1 a minute. This must been about 1986 87 something like that. I see you want to talk to my dad? He said, Man, I'd love to. I said, Well, why? You just make a brief call and you guys can connect? Well, I gave him my bag phone, and I didn't realize that he got up and left from the audience, went out into the hallway, and for the next Oh, I guess 60 to 75 minutes, talk to my dad. I. That was an expensive phone call. My dad was tickled pink. He and Tarzan got together, and they would get together periodically and tell stories until Tarzan died. My dad loved that, that opportunity. But you know what being engaged and listening, you find shared interests and values, and I listened to that guy, and then just kind of worked in, yeah, I'm grants. Grant's son never did do business with that fellow.
I think he kind of forgot why he was there. The other thing is, when you engage with people, keep things uplifted. I mean, be uplifting on things, avoid complaining and criticizing. I know of a couple ladies in a community, a 55 plus community. They're nice enough on the surface, but all they ever do is itch and complain. They're constantly itching and complaining about every cock and pick and thing on the face the Earth. Don't do that. Just don't do that. I don't care if you're married, dating, have a neighbor, a co worker, those people who are always itching, always itching, about this, that and something else. Nobody wants to be around them. And if you start doing that, just don't do it. So focus on the, oh, the positives. And, you know, kind of nurture that goodwill that's important. Now, the other thing is, occasionally, you just want to do is offer some actual sincere praise, acknowledging, well, the contributions of others. I'll give you an example. When somebody has, they've cut their grass and it looks good. Now I get, I get a lot of 55 plus communities. There's a the endless lawnmower crew, and everybody's out from these crews that Well, half of them can't speak any English, and you wonder where they came from, but that that's part of life gonna be interesting. What happens if Trump decides to carry forward on getting people out of the country who are here and didn't follow the rules. Some of y'all are going to have to find a new lawn care crew, or you're going to have to figure out how to get out there and do some grass cutting yourselves. You know, it always amazes me. Think about this for a second. It's true everywhere you go. But I'm going to go back to when I was a kid, back in the 60s and 70s. Well, actually, the 60s, I used to mow a lot of grass. I mowed grass for neighbors. They'd go on vacation. I'd always charge a little bit extra if it wasn't a regular deal. I shoveled snow. You know, you could do that as a kid today, that'd be called child abuse, I guess. Oh, whoa. Is a poor kid that has to go out and deliver newspapers. Well, you can't do that anymore. Ain't no ain't no newspapers anymore. There's a lot of things that kids used to do and neighbors used to do. And I get a kick out of the fact what everybody in the world has got some type of a lawnmower. But I want you think about this. And I know of a 55 plus community where a fellow's got a zero radius lawnmower. I mean, he's basically got a commercial lawnmower, and he could mow Hells Bells all the damn yards in the neighborhood, at least on his couple houses in either direction of his I was talking to him one day. I said, that's a really nice machine. He said, You know what? He said, I brought that down from Massachusetts or wherever he came from. I just couldn't get rid of it. I enjoy cutting grass. He says, total overkill for what I got here. So instead of having a golf cart, he's got himself this big zero radius mower. I said, my gosh. I said, you could have real business here and mow couple of neighbors yards. And he said, You know, I actually do do that. He said, I used to do more, but people wouldn't pay me. I said, you're kidding me. No, no. People are cheap. We had a great conversation. He sat back, and he wound up walking inside getting a beer, and we said, I don't, told him, give me a glass of water. I'm don't drink beer and beer, and I don't get along. Just so, you know, don't ask me to have a beer with you. I just don't, I don't not that. I don't like it. Just make my nose run, gives me full of congestion. I don't know, just allergic. But here's the thing I was saying to him, Well, what's going on? Now, he's way, I'm old neighbor across the street on either side of me. They get a kick out of it, and what they pay for the homeowners association to do it. He said, now they get a reduction. They just give me a small check pays for gas. He said, You don't make any money on it. I said, Well, what do you make? He said, I make about 100 up bucks a week. I said, Well, that's not bad. He goes, Yeah. So we always go out to dinner. My wife and I on that now think about that. He mows his grass and does the neighbor's yard. And he said, I get some good exercise. I enjoy it. The ones that pay me That's great. Like, I go out and have a nice, nice meal. Kind of cool, kind of cool. So here's the thing, you're walking down the down the street, you know, you going for a walk, and somebody's got some nice plants outside, nice flowers. They've trimmed up their bushes. It doesn't take much to say, hey, I really like that new sidewalk you put in. Looks nice. Hey, I like those begonias. They look nice. People. Will appreciate that. I know of a lady who's she's got herself a flower garden galore, roses everywhere. And every once in a while she'll tell me how people come by and say, I just love the roses. Makes her day. So you're trying to get along. I get that. But if you're kind of a communary person, you're going to get what you give. Okay, the fine common ground, some shared interests, hobbies, life, goals, perspectives. You know, building stronger, real strong relationships are important. And listen. Why does it matter? Because those of you who are in retired, who stay physically fit, okay, those of you who are not eating every cock and pick and process food item in the world. You know, a lot of what you're eating is just dirt and plastic. Don't do that like going grocery shopping. Stick to the outsides the fresh food. Fresh food, once you get in, the inside, it's all boxed and canned. Try to avoid the preservatives. Eat natural exercise and have really good, strong relationships with people. You know what's going to happen? You live longer. It's fact. You're going to live longer, not going to be going to the doctor every doggone day. So happiness, well, well being begins with strong relationships. And if you're in 55 plus community before you move there. Look at what the amenities, look at what the social directors are doing, look at what the clubs are get a handle on it, and don't just jump into it. Take your time. Ask to be you know, the opportunity to kind of look around. Can I visit some of these clubs before I buy if they say, Oh no, no, we don't do that. You have to be, you have to be a full time resident here before we'd ever let you come in. That's a damn good indication that maybe this is a little bit of a persnickety place. And on the other hand, you have the folks who say, Well, come on by. You're gonna love it here. What do you what were you looking to buy or build, or where are you gonna be at? And they start embracing you. There you go. Maybe that's the place to go. And here's the other thing, always remember, and never forget. This, when you have a brand new community, a lot of people move in are about the same age, and so you're going to have a lot of people who are going to die in waves. There's a place in Ocala, Florida called Oak run. Now I know all about oak run. I remember when they were just developing neighborhood three, and I've lost track of how many neighborhoods they have, 1417, something like that. Now there's 4000 plus homes there. And here's the thing, when a lot of people move in, has 65 what happens in the next 10 years? Well, some of them are going to die off in next 20 years. A lot of them be die off, died off in 30 years. A heck of a lot. I've been here in Ocala well over 30 years. Been in Florida for a lot longer than that. And so you have people who move in, and they have waves. And so what happens is that the newer people moving in are not the same. And retirees, we've got 1000s and 1000s of clients as retired or retired, that's predominantly what we do. I always get a kick out of saying, Oh, these new retirees are not the same as what we do for the new ones moving all these old farts, man, they don't want to do anything. Well, there's a thing which, if you've heard me talk about, it's called the wanna go. The wanna go, that's you're working, right? You're working to retire. I wanna go and retire. Then you get the pre go. Within 10 years of retirement, you're getting ready to retire. When you retire, you're in the GO, GO years, man, you're doing this, that, and everything else. Now that usually lasts about 10 years longer, for some shorter. For others, I had a guy the other day say, I've been retired for 20 years. I'm still in the GO, GO years. I know that just general rule of thumb. He got mad at me. Couldn't understand generalities. Everything was about him. Anyhow, I digress. Here's what happened. Get the GO, GO years, and then about 10 or 12 years later, guess what? You start breaking down. Now you're 75 to 85 somewhere in that range, and you go from the GO GO TO THE SLOW go years. You're not walking quite as fast as used to getting up and out of chairs. Kind of a pain to rear end when you get down the ground, sometimes it's hard to get up cleaning those baseboards, yeah, or get it. Gonna hire somebody else for that, because you're not working out, you're not doing leg squats, you're not going to the gym, you're not doing those leg extensions. So your legs are not as strong as it used to be. Well, Paul, we get older, you know, you got to understand that. Well, folks, I'm
I'm on Medicare. I can't believe how fast it's gone. I feel great. I get my 10 miles in every damn day. I lift my weights. I do stretching. Yay for me, even when it's painful, even when I got a cold or. Flu. Just don't feel good. You got to get up and keep on moving at least. That's my attitude. It's my dad's attitude. It seemed to serve his father well enough and all the fellows long before us. I guess it's a genetic thing. But here's the thing, happiness and well being and retirement, eventually you're going to get to those no go. Years go. Go becomes a slow go becomes the no go. And the big problem, by the way, just so you know this, is that we see a lot boy, I can't tell how many times I've had clients, and I've literally begged them, you've got to go into an independent living facility. You can't maintain your home. They literally are going from one chair where they sit, go to the bathroom, where they sit, their side of the bed where they sleep, the eat the same box food. They use a microwave. They're not cooking anymore. For a lot of them, they waddle to their car. They get in their seat, sitting again. Lot of sitting going on here. They drive to a restaurant, they gotta Park in that handicap spot because, by God, can't walk too far. And I got one of them stickers, and you get into a restaurant to sit down again and eat. Seems to be a lot of sitting and eating and sitting and doing doo, doo, and sitting and eating and sitting, and I don't know, waiting for God to call you home. I guess I don't like that idea. Me. It's all about being active and engaged. I always talk about this, and if you're one of those people right now who says, you know you're getting angry because I'm talking about you, I don't know who's listening. I'm not talking about you. If you're getting angry, maybe you need to be angry at yourself. Don't kill the messenger. Don't kill the messenger. Here's what we want. Here's one. I talk about this all the time. There are seven components of wealth and status. I call them the seven cows, C, O, W, s, in the order of importance, these are the seven components of wealth and status, mindset, physical, emotional, intellectual, relationship, income and risk. I'm not going to talk about those right now, but one of the big things is your mindset drives your intellectual, physical and emotional conditions. So engage and be friendly. Build connections. Show real interests, be approachable, let others talk. Have actually offer appreciation for what people are doing and focus on things that well. Make good connections. Bottom line, don't be fluffy, just be truthful. Talk straight, Live Smart, simple management of all relevant things. That's it. It's just essentials. Well, I think I've said enough of that. It's just a little thing that a lot of people, when they're retired, sometimes you need a good old school kick in the arse, a reminder that, yeah, I know you don't feel that good. I get it, your hips, your back, your neck, I don't know, whatever. Yeah, life was rough, and now you're paying some of the old prices for it, but price for it, yeah, I got that. I understand that, just like anybody else, I'd love to have a good, fully functioning left shoulder, but that ain't gonna happen. But here's the bottom line, always remember, never forget. I'm gonna wrap it up with this. If you go to bed, you had a good day, and if you wake up, you had a good night, because anything else is not good. That's my view of stoicism. With that, I'm gonna get out here, typical canoe time or two. I'm out here later. Bye.
23:37
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24:14
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24:27
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Founder & CEO of The Truesdell Companies
The Truesdell Professional Building
200 NW 52nd Avenue
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352-612-1000 - Local
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Truesdell Wealth, Inc.
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The Truesdell Companies
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Casual Breakfast Conversation at the Stone Creek Grille - January 8th @ 9:45 AM
Casual Conversation over Cocktails at the Stone Creek Grille - February 19th - 3:00 PM
Reservations Required - Call or Text: 352-612-1000
The Truesdell Companies is a proud sponsor of the Eirinn Abu benefit concert for Tunnel to Towers, on February 28th at the Circle Square arena in Ocala, Florida. For more information, visit: https://eirinnabu.com or https://eirinnabu.com/event/5760795/695871447/eirinn-abu-and-tunnel-to-towers-foundation-concert
Summary
Paul Truesdell discusses the importance of social skills and relationships for retirees moving to 55+ communities,
emphasizing Dale Carnegie's principles. He highlights the benefits of joining retiree groups, maintaining
meaningful connections, and being genuinely curious about others. Truesdell shares personal anecdotes,
including his father's work ethic and community contributions. He advises against forcing socialization, being
friendly, and avoiding complaints. He also stresses the importance of staying active, eating well, and maintaining
strong relationships for longevity. Truesdell concludes with a reminder to focus on the positives and maintain a
healthy mindset.
Action Items
• Be genuinely curious about your neighbors and their hobbies/experiences.
• Radiate warmth and optimism through a friendly greeting.
• Engage in meaningful listening and encourage others to share their thoughts and memories.
• Offer sincere praise and acknowledge the contributions of others, such as complimenting a well-maintained
lawn.
• Avoid complaining and criticizing, and focus on the positive aspects of retirement.
Outline
Moving to a 55+ Community and Social Dynamics
• Paul Grant Truesdell discusses the importance of Dale Carnegie's book "How to Win Friends and Influence People" for
retirees moving to 55+ communities.
• He mentions various organizations like the FBI and Tampa Police Department that have active retiree groups.
• Paul emphasizes the importance of socializing and making meaningful connections in retirement.
• He acknowledges that not everyone enjoys socializing and that it's important not to force it on others.
Personal Stories and Social Engagement
• Paul shares a story about his father, who worked until he was 90 and then became a taxi driver for the elderly.
• He highlights the importance of enjoying work and giving back to the community.
• Paul advises being genuinely curious about others and listening to their stories to create deeper connections.
• He stresses the importance of radiating warmth, optimism, and friendliness to open doors for friendships.
Dealing with Difficult Neighbors and Homeowner Rules
• Paul talks about encountering difficult neighbors who are sticklers for homeowner rules.
• He shares an example of a woman who fined neighbors for grass that was slightly too tall.
• Paul suggests that if a neighbor is causing significant problems, it might be worth considering moving to a different
community.
• He mentions the concept of build-to-rent (BTR) as an alternative for retirees who face difficult neighbors.
Engaged Listening and Shared Interests
• Paul emphasizes the importance of being an engaged listener and encouraging others to share their thoughts and
memories.
• He shares a personal story about a man who connected with his father through a phone call during a talk he gave. Ea
• Paul advises keeping conversations uplifting and avoiding constant complaining and criticizing.
• He suggests offering sincere praise and acknowledging others' contributions to build goodwill.
Maintaining Physical and Social Health in Retirement
• Paul discusses the importance of staying physically fit, eating healthy, and maintaining strong relationships for a long
and happy retirement.
• He advises retirees to look at the amenities and social activities available in a 55+ community before moving in.
• Paul mentions the concept of the "wanna go," "pre go," and "go go" years of retirement.
• He emphasizes the importance of being active and engaged in social activities to stay mentally and physically healthy.
The Importance of Mindset and Building Connections
• Paul introduces the seven components of wealth and status: mindset, physical, emotional, intellectual, relationship,
income, and risk.
• He stresses that mindset drives intellectual, physical, and emotional conditions.
• Paul advises engaging with others, being friendly, and showing genuine interest to build strong connections.
• He emphasizes the importance of being approachable, letting others talk, and offering appreciation for others'
contributions.
Living a Purposeful and Active Retirement
• Paul talks about the importance of living a purposeful and active life in retirement.
• He shares his own routine of walking 10 miles a day and lifting weights to stay fit.
• Paul advises against becoming sedentary and emphasizes the importance of staying engaged and active.
• He mentions the concept of the "slow-go" and "no go" years of retirement and the importance of maintaining a positive
mindset.
The Role of Social Connections in Well-being
• Paul discusses the impact of social connections on overall well-being and longevity.
• He advises retirees to look for communities with active social directors and clubs.
• Paul mentions the importance of being open to visiting clubs and getting to know the community before moving in.
• He emphasizes the importance of nurturing goodwill and maintaining strong relationships for a happy and fulfilling
retirement.
Dealing with Life Changes and Adapting to New Environments
• Paul talks about the natural changes that occur in retirement communities as older residents pass away.
• He mentions the concept of "waves" of deaths in retirement communities and how new residents may not be as active.
• Paul advises being aware of these changes and adapting to the new social dynamics in the community.
• He emphasizes the importance of being open to new experiences and making the most of the social opportunities
available.
Final Thoughts and Encouragement
• Paul wraps up the podcast by emphasizing the importance of living a purposeful and active life in retirement.
• He advises retirees to focus on the positive and avoid complaining and criticizing.
• Paul encourages retirees to stay engaged, build strong connections, and maintain a positive mindset.
• He concludes with a reminder to always remember the importance of social connections and staying active for a
fulfilling retirement.
Rough Transcript
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You might remember that book by Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People. It's not necessarily a bad book to buy and read and review. You can get the Cliff Notes version if you want, if you're getting ready to retire, well, especially if you're going to move to a 55 plus community that would not necessarily be a bad book to take a look at, because you're going to be around a whole bunch of different types of people, and getting along is pretty doggone important.
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You are listening to the Paul Truesdell podcast sponsored by Truesdell wealth and the other Truesdell companies note, due to our extensive holdings and our clients always assume that we have a position in all companies discussed and that a conflict of interest exists. The information presented is provided for entertainment and informational purposes only. Truesdell wealth is a registered investment advisor.
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So let's say you're getting ready to retire and you're thinking about moving to a 55 plus community. Well, it's a chance to embrace a fresh new start in well, continue to have what I would say meaningful connections. You retire, you leave your place of employment. Well, the facts are, you're not going to see 99% of those people, more than likely, you do have some organizations that have retiree groups, clubs, organizations, for example, the Federal Bureau of Investigation. They have a very active retired and former agent group. They meet all over the green earth. I know that the city of Tampa Police Department, a lot of the guys and gals get together at the old fop lodge on North Florida Avenue. And then there are those that get together at various locations to socialize and chit chat, at least the ones that didn't run for the hills and get the heck out of dodge. But here's the key thing, Dale Carnegie, well, what he wrote about they're timeless. There's some timeless principles. Again, How to Win Friends, influence people are especially relevant to retirees who are seeking to cultivate a positive relationship with neighbors and to enjoy retirement to its fullest extent. But I can tell you absolutely unequivocally, beyond exclusion of every reasonable doubt, you can bet your sweet bippy there's going to be a PETA as a pain in the arse. See, I said arse. I didn't say what you thought I was going to say, there's going to be a few pitas in that neighborhood. Always has and always will be. Now, one of the problems you have to remember this is some people don't want to socialize. Oh, don't force yourself down them down their throat. Some people work, and I want to tell you this. I think this is important. There are a lot of us who work because we want to work, not because we have to work. We enjoy it. We do what we like. Are good, profitable, and can control now, my father passed away back in 2009 and you know, for 94 years, he lived a good life. The last year was a little rough, but that man was on his own living as an independent tax paying self sufficient American since he was 14 years of age. And you know what? He worked until he was 90, and then he said, you know, my hips are starting to really bother me. I'm getting a little too old for this. And he had some pretty doggone, impressive positions in life. But here's the key thing, he enjoyed it. He loved it. And then when he got done working, he became a taxi driver. That's right, a taxi driver, not an Uber. He became a taxi cab driver, at least that's what he called himself, because he was running every widow and widower who couldn't drive in his community to their doctor's appointments and taking them out to eat. I can't say that he got a lot of reciprocal benefit. Yes, people are selfish at a variety of different ages, but that man gave back and he enjoyed it, as he said, he would chuck and say, you know, sometimes they'll buy me a cup of coffee at a steak and shake and think that I ought to say, thank you for the cup of coffee after having driven around for four or five hours and a couple 100 miles. But you know what? I enjoy the company, so he practiced his entire life the concepts of how to win friends and influence people. I think it's kind of cool. Let's talk about a few things, a couple of items that might create some lasting bonds for. You might be, oh, getting ready to retire. You might be already retired. Oh, Hell's Bells. You might be elderly and barely able to get out of the house. But the reality in life is there's no reason why you can't continue to engage in people. So here's the thing, be genuinely curry curious. Be genuinely curious about other people. Yeah, I don't know, take some active interests. Listen to your neighbor's stories, what kind of hobbies and experiences they have. Stop always talking about yourself. Show some damn curiosity and well, it creates a bridge for deeper connections. That's one. Here's another one. I have a face as a kind of a rusting, oh, confrontational face. I've had people say, what are you mad at? I'm not mad at just my rusting. Oh, some people say you're rusting bitch face, but that's just, that's me, okay. But you want to try to radiate wealth and and warmth and optimism, and, in other words, you want to have a simple smile. I tend to smirk rather than give a big toothy smile, just the way I've always been. But be friendly. You know, friendly greeting goes a long way. It opens doors cards to starts friendships. And you know, you're going to get people who are just plain butt ugly. That's right, bud ugly. They're going through life, and always have gone through life. It's the miserable sack of dog do. Don't let them get to you. Just ignore them. I Not long ago, had a group in 2024 in Marion County, Florida. The whole group of them, bunch of dog do just a pain the rear end. Oh, there might have been a nice one or two there, but most people who are decent wound up leaving this organization. And I've done that a lot. You kind of like get to know what's going on in these there's a systemic problem there. Oh, we got little rules, got this, got that. You know, here's the thing you're going to find in some of these communities, somebody's going to be a stickler for homeowner rules, and they'll have a thing in the homeowners rules about grass. It has to be cut, right? You want to live in a nice neighborhood. I get that. I do, but you're going to have, at times, people who take it to an extreme. And I know of one case that we had to get involved with the law firm on where this woman was running around the neighbor's homes, and she was the enforcement person for issuing fines, and she would take a ruler and she would stick it in the ground and take a picture and say, Aha, your grass is five inches tall. It's only supposed to be 420, $5 fine. You can't fix them, people. And in my prior Podcast Episode 401, I talked about build to rent. You know, there's lot of retirees. They buy a home. Everything's good. They got what they want. It's a nice neighborhood. Everything is good, but you've got a neighbor from, you know, what? From Holy hell. Now, some people have the financial means to say, I'm just not taking that. I'm gonna move. So you lose 2030, 50,000 $100,000 you're gone. You're out of there. You buy something else. So again, go back and listen to episode 401, where I talk about build to rent BTR, and you'll say, maybe he's on to something there. Maybe sometimes it's convenient to be able to say, I'm out of here. Now the other thing you want to do is you want to be an engaged listener. That's right. Actually listen. Encourage others to share their thoughts and their memories. Have a meaningful listening engagement, because it'll reveal a lot of things that might be shared interests. I was giving a talk down in Ellington, Florida one day. No, that's not true. I was down in Naples. Guys in Naples, and a gentleman in the audience came up to me and said, Your last name is Truesdell. I said, Yes, it is he goes. Your middle name is Grant. I said, Yes, it is he goes. You wouldn't be by chance related to a fellow by a name of Henry grant. Would you he always went by the name grant. I said, Yeah, I would. And he goes, You know that rascal, he was in the Marine Corps. And he said, we got we were sailing one day. I said, Yeah, your name is, I'll just make it up. Your name is Tarzan. You and my dad were sailing out there off of San Diego, and the wind just about took you up against a destroyer. He says, How do you know that? I said, Well, I'm his son. I've heard that story a whole lot. He goes, What's what's going on with your dad? This is the days of a bag phone. Remember bag phones, little analog phones. When a phone call cost $1 a minute. This must been about 1986 87 something like that. I see you want to talk to my dad? He said, Man, I'd love to. I said, Well, why? You just make a brief call and you guys can connect? Well, I gave him my bag phone, and I didn't realize that he got up and left from the audience, went out into the hallway, and for the next Oh, I guess 60 to 75 minutes, talk to my dad. I. That was an expensive phone call. My dad was tickled pink. He and Tarzan got together, and they would get together periodically and tell stories until Tarzan died. My dad loved that, that opportunity. But you know what being engaged and listening, you find shared interests and values, and I listened to that guy, and then just kind of worked in, yeah, I'm grants. Grant's son never did do business with that fellow.
I think he kind of forgot why he was there. The other thing is, when you engage with people, keep things uplifted. I mean, be uplifting on things, avoid complaining and criticizing. I know of a couple ladies in a community, a 55 plus community. They're nice enough on the surface, but all they ever do is itch and complain. They're constantly itching and complaining about every cock and pick and thing on the face the Earth. Don't do that. Just don't do that. I don't care if you're married, dating, have a neighbor, a co worker, those people who are always itching, always itching, about this, that and something else. Nobody wants to be around them. And if you start doing that, just don't do it. So focus on the, oh, the positives. And, you know, kind of nurture that goodwill that's important. Now, the other thing is, occasionally, you just want to do is offer some actual sincere praise, acknowledging, well, the contributions of others. I'll give you an example. When somebody has, they've cut their grass and it looks good. Now I get, I get a lot of 55 plus communities. There's a the endless lawnmower crew, and everybody's out from these crews that Well, half of them can't speak any English, and you wonder where they came from, but that that's part of life gonna be interesting. What happens if Trump decides to carry forward on getting people out of the country who are here and didn't follow the rules. Some of y'all are going to have to find a new lawn care crew, or you're going to have to figure out how to get out there and do some grass cutting yourselves. You know, it always amazes me. Think about this for a second. It's true everywhere you go. But I'm going to go back to when I was a kid, back in the 60s and 70s. Well, actually, the 60s, I used to mow a lot of grass. I mowed grass for neighbors. They'd go on vacation. I'd always charge a little bit extra if it wasn't a regular deal. I shoveled snow. You know, you could do that as a kid today, that'd be called child abuse, I guess. Oh, whoa. Is a poor kid that has to go out and deliver newspapers. Well, you can't do that anymore. Ain't no ain't no newspapers anymore. There's a lot of things that kids used to do and neighbors used to do. And I get a kick out of the fact what everybody in the world has got some type of a lawnmower. But I want you think about this. And I know of a 55 plus community where a fellow's got a zero radius lawnmower. I mean, he's basically got a commercial lawnmower, and he could mow Hells Bells all the damn yards in the neighborhood, at least on his couple houses in either direction of his I was talking to him one day. I said, that's a really nice machine. He said, You know what? He said, I brought that down from Massachusetts or wherever he came from. I just couldn't get rid of it. I enjoy cutting grass. He says, total overkill for what I got here. So instead of having a golf cart, he's got himself this big zero radius mower. I said, my gosh. I said, you could have real business here and mow couple of neighbors yards. And he said, You know, I actually do do that. He said, I used to do more, but people wouldn't pay me. I said, you're kidding me. No, no. People are cheap. We had a great conversation. He sat back, and he wound up walking inside getting a beer, and we said, I don't, told him, give me a glass of water. I'm don't drink beer and beer, and I don't get along. Just so, you know, don't ask me to have a beer with you. I just don't, I don't not that. I don't like it. Just make my nose run, gives me full of congestion. I don't know, just allergic. But here's the thing I was saying to him, Well, what's going on? Now, he's way, I'm old neighbor across the street on either side of me. They get a kick out of it, and what they pay for the homeowners association to do it. He said, now they get a reduction. They just give me a small check pays for gas. He said, You don't make any money on it. I said, Well, what do you make? He said, I make about 100 up bucks a week. I said, Well, that's not bad. He goes, Yeah. So we always go out to dinner. My wife and I on that now think about that. He mows his grass and does the neighbor's yard. And he said, I get some good exercise. I enjoy it. The ones that pay me That's great. Like, I go out and have a nice, nice meal. Kind of cool, kind of cool. So here's the thing, you're walking down the down the street, you know, you going for a walk, and somebody's got some nice plants outside, nice flowers. They've trimmed up their bushes. It doesn't take much to say, hey, I really like that new sidewalk you put in. Looks nice. Hey, I like those begonias. They look nice. People. Will appreciate that. I know of a lady who's she's got herself a flower garden galore, roses everywhere. And every once in a while she'll tell me how people come by and say, I just love the roses. Makes her day. So you're trying to get along. I get that. But if you're kind of a communary person, you're going to get what you give. Okay, the fine common ground, some shared interests, hobbies, life, goals, perspectives. You know, building stronger, real strong relationships are important. And listen. Why does it matter? Because those of you who are in retired, who stay physically fit, okay, those of you who are not eating every cock and pick and process food item in the world. You know, a lot of what you're eating is just dirt and plastic. Don't do that like going grocery shopping. Stick to the outsides the fresh food. Fresh food, once you get in, the inside, it's all boxed and canned. Try to avoid the preservatives. Eat natural exercise and have really good, strong relationships with people. You know what's going to happen? You live longer. It's fact. You're going to live longer, not going to be going to the doctor every doggone day. So happiness, well, well being begins with strong relationships. And if you're in 55 plus community before you move there. Look at what the amenities, look at what the social directors are doing, look at what the clubs are get a handle on it, and don't just jump into it. Take your time. Ask to be you know, the opportunity to kind of look around. Can I visit some of these clubs before I buy if they say, Oh no, no, we don't do that. You have to be, you have to be a full time resident here before we'd ever let you come in. That's a damn good indication that maybe this is a little bit of a persnickety place. And on the other hand, you have the folks who say, Well, come on by. You're gonna love it here. What do you what were you looking to buy or build, or where are you gonna be at? And they start embracing you. There you go. Maybe that's the place to go. And here's the other thing, always remember, and never forget. This, when you have a brand new community, a lot of people move in are about the same age, and so you're going to have a lot of people who are going to die in waves. There's a place in Ocala, Florida called Oak run. Now I know all about oak run. I remember when they were just developing neighborhood three, and I've lost track of how many neighborhoods they have, 1417, something like that. Now there's 4000 plus homes there. And here's the thing, when a lot of people move in, has 65 what happens in the next 10 years? Well, some of them are going to die off in next 20 years. A lot of them be die off, died off in 30 years. A heck of a lot. I've been here in Ocala well over 30 years. Been in Florida for a lot longer than that. And so you have people who move in, and they have waves. And so what happens is that the newer people moving in are not the same. And retirees, we've got 1000s and 1000s of clients as retired or retired, that's predominantly what we do. I always get a kick out of saying, Oh, these new retirees are not the same as what we do for the new ones moving all these old farts, man, they don't want to do anything. Well, there's a thing which, if you've heard me talk about, it's called the wanna go. The wanna go, that's you're working, right? You're working to retire. I wanna go and retire. Then you get the pre go. Within 10 years of retirement, you're getting ready to retire. When you retire, you're in the GO, GO years, man, you're doing this, that, and everything else. Now that usually lasts about 10 years longer, for some shorter. For others, I had a guy the other day say, I've been retired for 20 years. I'm still in the GO, GO years. I know that just general rule of thumb. He got mad at me. Couldn't understand generalities. Everything was about him. Anyhow, I digress. Here's what happened. Get the GO, GO years, and then about 10 or 12 years later, guess what? You start breaking down. Now you're 75 to 85 somewhere in that range, and you go from the GO GO TO THE SLOW go years. You're not walking quite as fast as used to getting up and out of chairs. Kind of a pain to rear end when you get down the ground, sometimes it's hard to get up cleaning those baseboards, yeah, or get it. Gonna hire somebody else for that, because you're not working out, you're not doing leg squats, you're not going to the gym, you're not doing those leg extensions. So your legs are not as strong as it used to be. Well, Paul, we get older, you know, you got to understand that. Well, folks, I'm
I'm on Medicare. I can't believe how fast it's gone. I feel great. I get my 10 miles in every damn day. I lift my weights. I do stretching. Yay for me, even when it's painful, even when I got a cold or. Flu. Just don't feel good. You got to get up and keep on moving at least. That's my attitude. It's my dad's attitude. It seemed to serve his father well enough and all the fellows long before us. I guess it's a genetic thing. But here's the thing, happiness and well being and retirement, eventually you're going to get to those no go. Years go. Go becomes a slow go becomes the no go. And the big problem, by the way, just so you know this, is that we see a lot boy, I can't tell how many times I've had clients, and I've literally begged them, you've got to go into an independent living facility. You can't maintain your home. They literally are going from one chair where they sit, go to the bathroom, where they sit, their side of the bed where they sleep, the eat the same box food. They use a microwave. They're not cooking anymore. For a lot of them, they waddle to their car. They get in their seat, sitting again. Lot of sitting going on here. They drive to a restaurant, they gotta Park in that handicap spot because, by God, can't walk too far. And I got one of them stickers, and you get into a restaurant to sit down again and eat. Seems to be a lot of sitting and eating and sitting and doing doo, doo, and sitting and eating and sitting, and I don't know, waiting for God to call you home. I guess I don't like that idea. Me. It's all about being active and engaged. I always talk about this, and if you're one of those people right now who says, you know you're getting angry because I'm talking about you, I don't know who's listening. I'm not talking about you. If you're getting angry, maybe you need to be angry at yourself. Don't kill the messenger. Don't kill the messenger. Here's what we want. Here's one. I talk about this all the time. There are seven components of wealth and status. I call them the seven cows, C, O, W, s, in the order of importance, these are the seven components of wealth and status, mindset, physical, emotional, intellectual, relationship, income and risk. I'm not going to talk about those right now, but one of the big things is your mindset drives your intellectual, physical and emotional conditions. So engage and be friendly. Build connections. Show real interests, be approachable, let others talk. Have actually offer appreciation for what people are doing and focus on things that well. Make good connections. Bottom line, don't be fluffy, just be truthful. Talk straight, Live Smart, simple management of all relevant things. That's it. It's just essentials. Well, I think I've said enough of that. It's just a little thing that a lot of people, when they're retired, sometimes you need a good old school kick in the arse, a reminder that, yeah, I know you don't feel that good. I get it, your hips, your back, your neck, I don't know, whatever. Yeah, life was rough, and now you're paying some of the old prices for it, but price for it, yeah, I got that. I understand that, just like anybody else, I'd love to have a good, fully functioning left shoulder, but that ain't gonna happen. But here's the bottom line, always remember, never forget. I'm gonna wrap it up with this. If you go to bed, you had a good day, and if you wake up, you had a good night, because anything else is not good. That's my view of stoicism. With that, I'm gonna get out here, typical canoe time or two. I'm out here later. Bye.
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